Oh, and yeah…

I am on MySpace… I know. It’s horrible.

Things to know when visiting the Fortenberry Compound…

Well, you’d think when visiting a person’s house, you’d be respectful of the obvious… ya know, use your manners and try not to piss off the people in which have invited you to come over (or didn’t reject you when you show up unannounced). That hasn’t exactly been the case with some visitors lately… and we’d just like to state the rules for when you come to visit, to ensure we won’t kill you.

1. Please clean up after yourself. Yes, I realize our house is usually not so tidy when people come over, mostly because we haven’t prepared for the arrival of guests. If we know you are coming, we make an attempt to clean up some. If you just show up, well, there’s a slight chance the place will be trashed. Either way, please dispose of your garbage while here. It should be common sense, as we always ask where the trash can is when we visit people. Just please, throw your own trash away! If Jeramy can do it, I think anyone can. We are not your parents, or your maid.

2. Keep all sluttiness away from this house. This shouldn’t even be a concern, as most people would never dream of letting their friends know they indulge in such a disgusting thing. Don’t go to bad/gross/slutty sites on OUR computer. We don’t want to see it, and we don’t want it in our history on our computer. DON’T bring your own computer for this purpose, as it is still IN OUR HOUSE. If you do bring your own computer, DON’T have sluts as your wallpaper, DON’T ask anyone if they’d like to view your porn collection, etc., etc… And keep your dirty cell phone pics to yourself. This will not be tolerated, as I scream about this often. You really don’t want me even more stressed than I already am, right? This also is to include any form of nudity, as well as anything else that can be viewed as sexual. Don’t know about something? Chances are, don’t bring it.

3. TV, Movies, DVDs or Video Games. When dealing with this sort of media, the same rules apply from #2. If we say no about a movie, don’t keep pushing it. If you do decide to turn the TV on, keep it clean. Don’t watch a show with 50 sluts all dressed alike… I don’t care that it’s a game show. In fact, keep the TV off, it’s rots your already perverted brain. You wanna play a video game? Sure, we have lots of gaming consoles, but don’t chose a game to play based on it’s high level of nearly naked whores. All in all, have some respect for women, it’s not a good feeling thinking that your house guest is a total perv. Oh, and just because a DVD is already in this house, that doesn’t mean it will be approved for watching. Just always ask first, or watch Shaun of the Dead or The Labyrinth.

4. Don’t shoot in the house. We shoot outside all the time, that is perfectly fine. But please, especially when drunk, do not attempt to play with a gun inside the house. No one likes dodging the barrel of gun that could or could not be loaded because the asshole holding the gun has no idea what they are doing. NEVER put your finger on the trigger. Unless you are about to shoot. OUTSIDE.

5. Don’t answer our phone. Unless you are pre-approved, like Nikke. She only answers the phone when she is expecting a phone call, and has verified with the caller-ID that the call is indeed for her. Also, outgoing calls are permitted, granted they aren’t for illegal activities. Phone privileges will be given upon request, as that is the polite thing to do right? Asking for permission before you do something in someone’s house?

6. When you take a dump here. We don’t mind you pooping in our house, but please, keep it less than 30 minutes. Don’t use all the TP. If there are any ‘leftovers’, wait for the tank to refill and FLUSH again. And by all means, USE THE SPRAY. There is only one toilet here, and I usually pee every 30 minutes or so (small bladder)… So, yeah, keep it quick, make it smell decent and dispose of ALL the waste. You leave a floater and I SWEAR TO GOD I will find out who did it and make them flush it, it’s too gross for me to do myself.

7. Don’t mess with Momo. Momo is our pet, as he will be for the next 14 years or so. We generally like Momo more than most the people that come over. Don’t relocate his cage, or do anything to him or his belongings. If there is a problem, tell us about it. If we can’t do anything about it, then you can leave.

8. Be respectful, even to other visitors. In the past, we have had tons of people bad talking other people here, and bad talking Tally and I. He use to not let me get violent with anyone, and I think it may have been well known, otherwise, I can’t see how anyone would think it’s ok to say horrible things to me or about me or anyone else here. Now, Tally will allow me to beat the piss out of anyone that deserves it. I like this change, as it should cut down on the BS here. If you don’t like someone that is also at our house, leave. If you don’t like Tally or I, don’t come over. If you think it’s fine to run your mouth, you will get hurt. This also includes little girls who think they are better than me because, OMG, Texas girls are sooo ugly. Yeah, just watch your mouth while you are here. Also, let’s say we have a little baby as a guest. If the baby is sleeping and it’s 3 AM and you are still around playing a video game, SHUT UP. She needs to sleep, and she can’t when it sounds like someone is being murdered in the next room. She deserves respect too.

At this time, this is really all we can think of. These rules can change at any moment, or new rules may be made for certain individuals. I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘Wow, we don’t wanna go to their house anymore…’ but this how the rules have always been, it just seems more strict because they are typed out. Also, just because I haven’t screamed at you in particular, doesn’t mean you haven’t violated these rules. I usually just store them up as added stress, and Tally gets to hear all about it. For both our sakes, use common sense. Be nice. Don’t make us wanna kill you.

Also, take a look at the ‘special’ rules Tally has added himself, Guest Etiquette Redux.